WHY SAME SEX ATTRACTIONS?
Steve Behlke
March 31, 2009
I haven't written a blog for a long time. I haven't even read a blog for a long time.
Of all the things to start a blog on, why come back with this topic? It's not my greatest passion. It's not even a popular topic at all. In fact, it's almost a lose-lose subject to tackle.
But I had a conversation with someone this morning and she said that I should write down some of the things that I mentioned to her.
Hence, this blog. In it want to present what I believe is a Christian perspective on same-sex attraction. Christian or atheist, gay or straight, you may not agree, and I solicit your comments.
First, let me say, I'm not an authority on homosexuality or on the GLBT community. Hardly.
I do, however, consider myself a Christian theologian with a pastoral heart who has made the choice to live for Jesus in an area (Northampton, MA) that gives proud endorsement to the GLBT lifestyle.
As one of the spiritual leaders of a Christian community made up of loving people who have friends, family members, co-workers and neighbors who also happen to be gay or lesbian, this is an issue that we need to address.
The question: Why do certain people have same-sex attractions?
There are at least three popular views:
First, our gay and lesbian friends say being gay or lesbian is not a choice. Obviously, whether or not one engages in same-sex sexual activity is a choice, but this is a different matter. According to those with same-sex attraction, the attraction itself is not a choice but it is something they were born with. They insist that there was no choice in the matter just as I insist that I never debated or voted or decided to prefer a woman over a man. I just do!!!
A second view is that science has proven that there is a so-called "gay gene" with which gay and lesbian people are born. But the last I studied on this matter, it is still a highly disputed theory, not just in the theological community but also in the scientific community.
A third common view is the typical Christian reaction to these two views, that having a same-sex attraction is a personal choice.
Here's my understanding: Same sex-attraction is not a choice, it's an "attraction."
We do not choose who or what we are attracted to; desires and attractions are just that way. Desire and attraction almost seems to choose us. They are not rational decisions that we make.
For example, I didn't choose to be attracted to the beautiful woman that I now call my wife. I simply was attracted to her when I saw her. I was attracted to her long dark hair, her beautiful face, her fun-loving personality, and her incredible joy. I didn't make the choice that I would be attracted to her or to any of these qualities she possessed, I just was.
Am I saying that gay and lesbians are all born that way? I'm not saying that. I just don't see where the Bible says this cannot be so.
The argument waged by the other views goes like this: "If a person is born a certain way, then it is good and God's will that he or she live this way."
So, the GLBT community says, "We were born this way, it's our nature, thus it is only right that we live this way. Since God made us this way, God wants us to live this way."
To which the stereotypical Christian responds, "No, God doesn't want you to live this way. Therefore, you could not possibly have been born this way."
But I do not accept the first premise that just because one is born with a certain tendency it must be God's will for one to endulge that tendency. I was born with a proclivity to be selfish, greedy, proud, rebellious and stubborn. I do not claim that these are good or God-glorifying. They are corruptions to my nature, from which I seek freedom through Christ from their power and their consequences.
The question is, can a person be born with a same-sex attraction? Whatever the final answer is, I simply don't see the Bible's argument against this possibility.
To the Bible-believing people who want to follow Jesus and who happen to be reading this, we'll do well to remember the biblical teaching that every person since Adam and Eve first blew it in the Garden has been born broken, disconnected from God, and sinful in character. The Bible is clear on this. Jesus was clear on this.
We should also recall the biblical teaching that sin, which we're all born with, is a corruption of good and it affects mankind in every way (intellect, reason, will, desire, ability, passion, etc.). The concept of total depravity does not mean that all people are totally evil but that every aspect of our nature is affected to a degree by sin.
Bear in mind also, that all people are born with these ravaging affects of sin woven into our very nature. The Bible calls it the flesh (sarxe), also translated by some as sin nature.
Now then, if one subscribes to such a theology of human sinfulness and believes the corruption of sin has permeated each person's will, intellect, reason and desires, it is easy to see how sin has also affected people's sexual drive, sexual boundaries, and even some people's sexual identities and sexual attractions and preferences.
It really shouldn't surprise us that people are actually born with tendencies and proclivities and attractions that aren't holy, natural, or traditionally moral. It's a basic Christian doctrine.
Finally, in the pursuit of a biblical and rational reason why some people have a same-sex attraction, we should not overlook the power of outside influences, as well as, human reactions to those influences. I particularly have in mind our God-given needs and what happens in the human soul when those needs go unmet.
Regarding unmet needs: We all have needs for love and acceptance and security and approval and attention and protection. What happens when these basic human needs are not met by loving others? And what about the way we often react to our unmet needs, how might this affect one's deepest identity?
Take, for instance, a young woman who yearns, rightly so, for loving acceptance, affirmation, and attention of parents or male peers. But, say she finds and feels that her parents ignore her or guys find her unattractive. And, say, she is given a sense of great worth and affection from a woman who does love and accept her. She may not be born with a same-sex attraction but could it be nurtured through unmet needs and ungodly but very human reactions to her unmet needs?
In other instances, the need for affection and love and attention which goes unmet, may be misconstrued for a need for physical intimacy that is provided by a caring person of the same sex.
Regarding sins committed against us: Equally huge is the trauma that takes place in our fragile hearts when we are sinned against, particularly as young children, by those who are meant to love and bless and protect us? And what about the way we can so wrongly, so confusedly, react when we are sinned against?
Take, for instance, a young boy who might have been molested by a male family member. This is no fault of his own. This is a terrible evil perpetrated against him. If we're not careful or carefully shepherded through this process, this sin inflicted against him, huge as it is, may open him up to all sorts of unhealthy reactions. He may react with thoughts of shame, denial, self-loathing, revenge, guilt or rage. His entire "identity" and sexual behavior may be changed through this one incident and his response to it. The sins of others and our own reactions toward them have a powerful affect on our lives.
In conclusion, it is not unbiblical to assume that some people could actually be born with same-sex attractions. It may or may not be the case. But the fact is that our fallen nature affects us in many ways, why not here too.
It may also be the case that same-sex attraction is less a matter of nature and more a matter of nurture. Unmet needs; unhealthy reactions to our deepest needs that go unmet; the sins that others commit against us; and our own unhealthy reactions to the pain and evils that we innocently suffer at their hands, all may lead to a crisis of confusion in one's sexual identity and sexual preferences.
More to come if this is of interest and if it doesn't turn into a firestorm. But first let me hear from you.
Please refrain from hate speech of any kind in your responses toward the GLBT community or toward the Christian community. Such responses will not be posted.
Wow, Pastor Steve, you really "get it"! This is the best piece I've seen written on the subject by a pastor of an evangelical church, compassionate and giving some balanced views and possibilities. Thanks.
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Lover of God and the truth:
Thanks, Pastor Steve for taking the time to explain your views on the homosexuality. I wonder what would happen if invited people from the community to hear that blog spoken?
As someone who is healing/healed from the scars of sin,( others-being sinned against by others as a child and teen)my sinful response,(a lifestyle of homosexuality for 3 years and sexual confusion for the remainder up until my thirties) I agree with your blog. It is important to know that God does change lives by the power and grace of Jesus Christ and His people. Praise to him FOREVER AND EVER AMEN.
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Hi Pastor Steve,
I have to admit that it's sometimes a relief to leave Northampton and escape this hot debate that causes heartache for so many people. I wonder why it seems to be more of an issue in some geographical areas than others.
May God bless you and College Church as you seek the Truth and seek to serve the GLBT community in love.
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Hey Stevo,
So here goes. My left hand does what my right hand doesn't want to. I lie and I want to tell the truth. I am unrighteous but I want to be righteous. This is what new age thinking does not comprehend. It is something that is under the assumption that it is right and good and that we as people have total control of whatever we want to do in our lives. Now with that said I believe that there are some people out there that are gay, but do not want to be gay, they just are. Many people who I have talked to over the years that are gay are not happy about it, they just accept it and "choose" to be happy and okay with it. Now I'll say this, I am not happy that my left hand does what my right hand doesn't want to. I am not happy when I commit sin purposely, and I don't choose to accept it or be happy with it. I am happy who I am in Christ alone. When I lie I am not happy with it, when I am do things that are unrighteous I am not happy with it. I will never raise a flag that says that I am a liar and I'm okay with it. People do have misguided love, but that's because we, both christian and non christians do not comprehend what love is, i mean complete love. We cannot teach or give complete love, because we are not God. We cannot even fathom what love God has for us. Yet we all crave and want that love. All of us. But God has left us with a few laws.. which I would refer to as guidelines of how to love one another. The reason that some people aren't happy being gay is for the same reason I am not happy being a liar. The problem isn't that they are not loved, but rather they won't accept love, some of them. For the people who can look at what it is that are making them unhappy, they can say you know what I want to accept love, not take it. I want to accept it. Because taking and doing what we want is not called love, it's called greed. God asks us to humble ourselves and love our neighbors. I believe the best way to address this, is getting to know them, and I mean REALLY know them, to the point where they can be open and honest about their sexuality and how they honestly feel about it. Is there something that they can't quite put their finger on that is making them unhappy when all is stripped away mentally. Meaning the pride they have in their jobs and what makes them.. them. The biggest problem is lack or misguided love. But isn't that what our problem is too. Isn't that why we search who God is so much, because we want to know How HE loves us.
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I suppose for this reason I have never understood "gay and proud." Maybe you're not happy with it but feel that you were born that way. I can understand someone coming to terms with and confessing a certain attraction to sin, yet I don't know that it is something to rejoice about.
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I can only speak for myself... After so many years of opression and forced shame I am proud to finally voice who I am. As for the sin part... not everyone agrees that same sex relationships are sinful. I believe that it is possible to be a Christian and be in a relationship. Period. Who are we as humans to judge what God sees as love?
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Rob,
You make a good point about sin and self-control. I do think we can be happier when we behave righteously (we can also be miserable, but that's a different point). You are correct when you say that homosexual people can be quite unhappy. They do tend to have more problems with poverty, drug abuse, depression and suicide than the general population. However, there is a very big problem with your conclusion that sin is the reason for these problems.
Homosexual individuals do not experience these problems any more than other troubled minority groups. Simply being a minority isn't a sin, but it seems to contribute to a common set of problems.
Also, being sexually active or not doesn't seem to be a factor here. In fact, suicide rates are high among teens who are attracted to the same sex. Very often, these teens are not sexually active. They are depressed and their sexual orientation seems to be a factor in their decision to attempt suicide. Life appears hopeless and there is no other way out. This isn't about sinning and then feeling unhappy about it.
I actually have two close friends that have lived most of their lives in fear, self-loathing, anxiety, and depression. They've tried all kinds of things to make themselves feel better about being attracted to the same sex. Both are celibate, Christians, and respected church leaders. One of them, a woman, is in her first same-sex romantic relationship at the age of 45, and I've never known her to be more at ease with herself and with others. She also says that she has never felt more feminine in her life, or more loved by God. The other, a young man who has never been sexually active with men or women, recovered from extreme depression and years of self-mutilation when he finally accepted his same-sex attraction and admitted it to others.
I totally agree with your conclusion that we must love homosexual individuals just like anyone else, but I don't think your conclusions about sin and happiness hold water.
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Well put, Steve. I appreciate the respect that you bring to this question. Thanks.
Regarding the "socialized" model you presented (ex. absent father, molestation, etc), this is a popular way of making sense of this, especially in the church. The truth is, the research doesn't seem to say this.
As a group, people who are sexually attracted to the same gender are very diverse. It cannot be said that life-experience causes homosexual attraction. Also, lots of heterosexually attracted people have also experienced abuse and parental rejection. If that was the cause, a lot more people would be gay.
A 2008 study was published in a journal called Child Abuse & Neglect that found that out of the 4,339 high school seniors they studied, 65% of girls and 23% of boys reported having been sexually abused. And, not all homosexuals report a history of abuse. This can't be the whole picture of why people are attracted to the same gender. I don't hear you saying that, but I hear that a lot from Christians who don't want to entertain other ideas.
I think a lot of people don't think of this in terms of their own lives. What if a heterosexual man or woman was told that all their attractions were wrong and that they should never have a sexual relationship, let along a marriage, with anyone they are attracted to? Doesn't that sound horrible? I don't know that most heterosexual Christians think about how they minimize the real suffering that people experience and how difficult it is to commit to permanent celibacy, not by choice or call but by default.
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Thanks Amy.
I appreciate your demeanor and your insights.
As I stated in my blog, the Bible does not rule out that gay and lesbian people may be born that way.
I am not as quick, however, to rule out the powerful influence that traumatic social conditioning may play in some men and women's lives. The soul piercing damage of such horrific experiences as being sexually abused as a young child cannot be fully measured or understood. It is no doubt true that not all gay men were young victims of such attrocities or of fatherly neglect and rejection. Yet, I have found these and similar experiences to be the case in the formative years of each of the gay men that I've befriended and counseled over the years.
I am most touched, Amy, by your final paragraph underscoring the real life, personal difficulties, challenges, and choices faced and experienced by gay and lesbians today. Thanks.
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Steve,
I would just like to offer this idea in response to your mention of "fatherly neglect and rejection" as a possible "cause" of same sex attraction. We have to carefully look at all of the people who experience some perception of fatherly neglect and rejection yet don't end up with same sex attractions, and that would be many. The "blame the parent" phenomenon is a slippery slope, and I have to remind you that 40 years ago parents of kids with autism, for instance, were blamed for their childrens'condition. Now we know that you can't "cause" autism by being a "distant" parent. I wonder if 40 years from now we will find out that you also can't cause homosexuality by just being supposedly neglectful or rejecting. Consider, for example, the chicken and the egg phenomenon. Suppose a dad has four sons, and three are rough and tumble athletic types from day one, and one is effeminate and sensitive and the dad just has no clue how to relate to the effeminate one. This could easily lead to the child feeling neglected or rejected by the dad, but maybe in fact the dad is trying his best and just doesn't quite know what to do with the son as he is. (using this because I know examples of this to have been the case). Anyway, I just caution any "blame the parent" scenarios.
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Thank you. Caution duly noted. Sincerely, the last thing I intend to do is cause guilt or shame to well-intentioned parents.
In my conversations with gay men, each had been abused as young children. This does not prove that this is the cause of their same-sex attraction. What I suggest, however is that it may in some cases, somehow, be a factor.
I suggest that we cannot discount the potential impact of such disturbing personal experiences (the horrendous sins of others) perpetrated and inflicted upon fragile young and develping psyches and the soul's search for self, identity, security, acceptance, significance, love, etc.
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One thing to consider is that abuse of all kinds is related to the kinds of distress that bring people into counseling. To use research terms, there is a selection error in the sample of individuals being looked at. Abuse is disproportionately high among all who seek counseling, and moreso among men (who don't usually seek counsel unless significantly distressed).
There is resistance to the idea that homosexual attraction is a socialized behavior, and for good reasons, but we cannot discount it entirely. There are far too many differences between individuals to reduce every one to a single cause and effect. And, we are learning a lot in the social sciences about the importance of relationships and the influence of our social structures.
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Well, certain sins are very visible. This tends to organize them in our own minds as to how Bad they are. If you sit in your home and get drunk every night and its not seen by others, does God see you any differently than a gay person ? I don't think so, but the gay person is seen and judged. The drunk may seem like the greatest God loving person in the world if you don't see the sin of drunkenness. I don't know if I'm making a point or digging a hole, but think of this alot when dealing with the gay people I know. Sometimes its hard to accept the fact that God sees us all the same. Its only the surrendering and faith in Christ that makes the difference.
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I have a question then, I have a very close family member who was struggling with "coming out" during college. She fought, prayed, and cried for these desires to be taken away, but the attraction didn't fade. Over the past few years, she has sent us (our family) "arguments" for homosexuality using the Bible and scripture saying that there it is OK to live the lifestyle and still consider one self a Christian. It breaks my heart to see God's word being twisted to make sin look acceptable, but I find it hard to argue against it in a way she'll listen. Any advice?
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This situation is heartbreaking, both to you and to God. I have been in a similiar place as your loved one trying to convince myself and the others around me that God loves me and being homosexual is what I am or my sexual orientation.
I acted on my desires and lived the homosexual lifestyle for 3 years. My feelings would fluxuate- from this is right to this is wrong and therein the zealousness of my argument to myself and those around me. Internally, I wanted being homosexual to be how I could live and have Jesus Christ in my life. Then the darkness from living in sexual sin and the separation from a vibrant holy relationship with Christ continued to plaque me. I became suicidal. I could not live separate from My Savior. The more sin the more separation- the less light of the Holy Spirit. I considered leaving Christ, a life of condemned celibacy but obedience to God and trying to just dull my consience by ignoring the sweet spirit of God.
Our fallen nature affects us in many ways. The bible cautions us about judgement.Yet clearly says that the light/Spirit of God when lifted up will draw all people to himself. I know this passage is refering to salvation. But when I had tasted Jesus and I continued to "eat" sin it is as CS Lewis says " like a chocalate covered Easter bunny, but hollow on the inside. Sin never satisfies. Only Christ.
Then I met a man who shared how God had "set him free from homosexuality." I wanted to know how and if he was just faking for I have felt this way my entire life. We began to meet weekly, him, his wife and I. He had been involved in Life Ministries. We read scripture together and talked. I told him what I felt and he and his wife prayed. I kept a jourmal where I wrote whateveer I wanted- but then had to go back and identify the truth and the lies. Eventually overtime Godly people who loved on me, accepted me, and shone the life of Christ, and in particular GOD's word of truth changed my heart to believe I wanted God more than I wanted sin.
Then I had/chose to break all connections with the people that would influence me to sin.This was excruciating. I felt like I was being ripped apart. I was currently in a long standing relationship. With the help of this family and other members of the Body of Christ, I was able to escape the snare and claws of Satan.
Next, as with anything I had to walk it out daily clinging to Jesus. I am out now, by the grace of God for almost two years. The Word, Worship, and the Body are what fills me now. Yet we all fight sin daily. God has gradually removed/healed my same-sex attraction in a process of meditating on who he says I am. It has been a a huge blessing. "Now I want to dance like a lady." I have no desire to enter back into that lifestyle, but occcasional feel attracted to someone. God's resurection power is what saved me and enabled me to stay free. Thanks.
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Second. P Steve. I love your post. I have over the course of growing up amidst an industry and circles with gay individuals in my life and would have loved to read this years ago. I have several gay friends that have been rejected by the traditional, or evangelical church after struggling with homosexuality. So what then? They are faced with several possiblities-Leave the church commmunity, find a community that accepts them (a GLBT church....but often the doctrine of grace and true Christ centered living is not present) Choosing to live life in a positive way with their "God given" preference, is often doctrinely taught in churches today, not just society. Is Christ present and working in that church? Are they even part of the body of Christ? (I am going through a bit of an identity crisis there...) Or are they no different than say, false teachings? Like cults?
Imagine Paul, and his thorn in his side being Homosexuality....if he didn't recognize it as SIN he would never have been able to give such a clear view of the struggle in man's heart and flesh over such things. Our culture today, has made the concept of sin so hard to decipher as sin because everything is relative like Truth. (Like living together before marriage, sex before marriage, etc.) I truly have enjoyed the apologetics lenten series, because it boils down to encouraging our community to simply seek Truth. Just that alone, as we know, if they find truth will point to Christ because He IS the Truth. Once someone believes in Jesus, who is was and accepts Him as savior, staying on that path of growing in Truth and sound doctrine can be an interesting road. Our flesh gets in the way, just like a cloudy night prevents us from looking at the stars and we can't possibly know who we are, and where we are going. A fallen church gets in the way as well? Weather it is someone rejected and tossed out for being gay or misguided doctrine I guess. What do you think of churches that currently openly accept gay couples, but still try to be Christ centered? Is that even possible?
So I say, let all come to the feet of Christ who thirsts! As a community, if the gay community happens to walk in our doors, let them to hear Truth, Grace and Love. The conviction of the Holy Spirit will do what we shouldn't take upon ourselves to do. We can't convince people to NOT be gay. I pray that every good work that has been started in my friends that are gay and believe in Christ, that HE is faithful to complete that good work. Just like he will do in me with all my crazy sins.
Finally I wonder how Steve, your view of gay marriage and how that will & does, influence our culture. Yikes. I know that's hard. But as a Mom. I struggle with that as open as I am, and I dearly love my gay friends but this is tricky for me to try and control the influence of what my kids see and believe in our culture and society. This is the cloudy sky I was talking about.
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I am trying to put my feelings into words, very slowly and thoughtfully.
I was born into a Southern Baptist family with loving and devoted parents. I was at church every Sunday morning and evening, Wed nights, and anytime my youth group had a function. I socialized with males and females.
I grew up feeling safe and loved, but different. I had no desire to date the head of the football team, he was my buddy. Girls intimidated me beyond words. (as guys intimidate most adolescent girls).
I struggled for years with what I was feeling. I read every book I could get my hands on, pro gay, anti gay, pro Christian gay, anti Christian gay. I delved in to God's word searching for what was right for me. Begging the Holy Spirit to convict me.
It was at that point that my worst nightmare came true. My pastor found out, through a supposed friend, and very nicely invited me to leave the church. It was at that point that organized religion died in my eyes. I still loved Christ. I still professed his word to all that would listen. But, I refused to set foot in a church.
Why would I have "chosen" that. I was living in TX. My safety was not guaranteed. I lost many of my dearest Baptist Student Union friends. I was devastated. I had not yet had a relationship with a woman, I just knew, as straight people just know, that I was not intimately attracted to men.
I will not make an issue of, but am saddened, by comparing an alcoholic to a homosexual. I was in a loving six year MARRIAGE that ended tragically recently. I cannot believe that love was unpleasing to God. Did he not list the fruits of the spirit and say but the greatest of these is love.
I think the question is not "is it ok to be gay? or is it a sin to be gay?" Really is that anyone's concern but the Holy Spirit. We believe in him and trust that he will convict our brothers and sisters to do what is His will.
One of my favorite passages is "It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get into heaven." Now, if we take that literally, no one who has amassed significant means will join us in Heaven. However, if you look at the translation and the roots of that scripture you find that the "eye of the needle" is what the gates to Hebrew cities were called. Now we have a whole new meaning. Yes, you have to unload your camel to get through the gate "eye", and load it back up on the other side, but it is possible. It takes great effort and care, but it is possible.
As is true with our wealthy brothers and sisters. Not impossible, but it takes effort and care to stay where the Holy Spirit convicts you.
Anyway, I have rambled enough. God's blessings and peace to you all!
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Jesus loves us all. Christians just love to attack gays because we are easy targets. We are not a part of what society accepts as normal.I was brought up in a church that said that homosexuals make God throw up. I struggled for years, trying to deny who I really was because I didn't want to fail God, my family and the church. No one can ever imagine the lonely feeling a young gay person feels because they know that they don't belong. So many commit suicide because of this. I finally quit fighting and decided that I was going to be true to myself. Christians are always speaking as if they were God. I hope that God and Jesus are nicer than Christians. If not, then I'd rather go to hell. For some reason, I thought that Jesus was all about love and acceptance. Religions have distorted what they want from the bible. That's why there are so many different churches and faiths. They all create their own rules about what they think God approves of. It's mans ego that does this. They decide who is or isn't going to hell. Only God is the judge. Only God. Jesus loves us all. It is a shame that Christians are not more like him. It must feel great to know that you are so wonderful and good, and that you will be the only ones who God takes into heaven.
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Regarding your statement "only God is the judge. Only God." True. Not me, not you, not anyone else. And as a Christian I want to know God as He is revealed in Jesus Christ and in the Bible.
Steve
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Hey Charlie, I am sorry for all the abuse, unkindness, and self-righteous attitudes you have apparently suffered at the hands of Christians. And I know, at the same time, these words are not going to just automatically erase or even ease your pain. But I also know more and more what I was told as a new believer, that is, to keep our eyes on Jesus, whom even hardened criminals recognized as being without sin. Little hurts as well as big hurts received from others can all be laid at the foot of the cross. Jesus asks us to trust only him. All the pain in this world, sins we have done and sins done to us, were carried by Jesus on that cross. My humble little advice would be to try spending some time alone with Jesus each day, to try opening your heart to him even for a few minutes at a time, meditate on him, read your Bible, all the while asking God to reveal to you what he wants you to know, without it being clouded by misinformation and misunderstandings. And perhaps, even probably, I think, God may just put in your path some Christians who do not act in this stereotypical way. We all have our struggles, mine is food, but we can't let any of these things get in the way of getting to know the One who loves us most. Don't worry about resolving all these issues right now; it's a learning process for all of us, but please consider opening your heart to the One who created and knows you beyond all else. Love God best, and he'll take care of the rest.
Truly may you find his peace.
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I think another aspect of same sex attraction might be a reaction to what is seen as abuse of power in male-female relationships. Well-intentioned Christians have often distorted the idea of women's submission and male leadership.
This is tragic, not just because it is so destructive, but it also perverts our concepts of God's nature and character. If we demonstrate that two equally precious, competent humans enter into a committed relationship where one willingly lays down his life for the other, and the other willingly submits herself to him, we would have a human display of the Godhead and the true relationship of the Church to Christ.
In Christ, the uncreated God willingly took on the role of a human being who suffered to bring about the very best for the ones He loves (those people who will believe in Him) But in adopting that role of a creature instead of creator He was no less God. In a similar way, we are taught to lay down our lives for one another in our sexual/marital relationship.
I think this is where my discomfort about same sex relationships stems from.
In the sense of being outside what God allows, it is no different from a married woman looking with desire on someone besides her husband. Or any other pattern in which we ignore or go beyond the boundaries laid out for us in God's word. My heart is sad when my friends tell me they've decided to live together, gay or straight. Because although they're convinced they/ve found love and happiness, I know it will bring the greater separation that sin brings to every one of us that chooses options that God will not allow.
(Edit at will, I have to go to work. I have a lot more thoughts to share on this one!!)
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